September - The Sweater
Thursday, 1st September
September is an important month. It’s Hee-jeong’s birthday month. On 22 August it was exactly our hundredth day together but with the class-rep election I was so tied up that I let it pass. Luckily Hee-jeong doesn’t seem to care much about that sort of anniversary. I rather like women who are broad-minded.
Still I’ll have to make it up to her on her birthday. The question is. What should I give her?
Friday, 2nd September
On the way home Hee-jeong asked me very seriously whether I really liked her. Of course I said yes. In truth I wanted to say I loved her. But I was afraid of putting too much pressure on her, so I just said I liked her a lot. Then she hesitated for a moment and said ‘So why did you let the hundred days go by?’
Alert.
Alert.
Alert.
Saturday, 3rd September
My chest hurts terribly. Near my nipple I can feel a small lump. What if it’s a tumour? They say Wu Zixu in China went grey overnight. I feel like I’ve grown a massive tumour overnight. Is this how I die? I’m sorry Hee-jeong! Because of that blasted class election I forgot our precious hundred days…
After school Aunt Jeong-su made soybean noodles for lunch. As I picked at my food my uncle asked what was wrong. I said it was nothing. But true to his job as an editor and proofreader he wouldn’t let it go. I finally confessed that my chest had hurt since yesterday. Hee-jeong burst out giggling. While I’d spent the night growing a tumour…
My uncle pressed my chest once then declared
‘Your chest is growing. All boys go through this at puberty. Don’t worry.’
‘Really? It’s not a tumour?’ I asked.
My uncle laughed out loud. Aunt Jeong-su even spat out her noodles laughing. Tears welled up in Hee-jeong’s eyes. Everyone was laughing so hard it looked like a collective facial spasm.
When I walked Hee-jeong home she gently took my hand. For her birthday I’ll have to pluck the stars from the sky.
Sunday, 4th September
Dad is in Rome. I hope he isn’t climbing the seven hills one by one. I wish he’d be back before Chuseok.
I took a book from his shelf called The Double Helix. Just seeing the title I thought it was about a mechanic making bolts and nuts. I’d mixed up helix with screw. Have I been reading so little lately that I’ve become dyslexic?
The Double Helix is really gripping. It’s a bit shameful to admit but I enjoy this sort of gossip. And learning that the people who cracked DNA were such clumsy types surprised me. Scientists may not be that extraordinary after all.
Monday, 5th September
Barely back at school and we’re already talking about midterm exams. Today the timetable came out.
- Wednesday, 21 September : Korean, Social Studies
- Thursday, 22 September : English, Science
- Friday, 23 September : Maths
Last term my science grades were disastrous. From today I’ve decided to study one hour a day. Watson and Crick managed it. So why not me?
Tuesday, 6th September
I underestimated science. I think I’m going to pay for that.
Wednesday, 7th September
I studied science at Hee-jeong’s. Thanks to her I’ve at least learned the alphabet of science.
Thursday, 8th September
It’s cooler in the mornings and evenings. The heat has eased. Hee-jeong’s birthday is approaching but I have absolutely no pocket money. Isn’t there a gift that’s elegant and cheap at the same time?
Friday, 9th September
From tomorrow it’s the Chuseok holiday but Dad is still in Rome. Yesterday he went to the Via Appia. One of those roads that supposedly all lead to Rome. In the photos he’s very tanned. He looks healthy. And happy. When Dad is happy I am too.
What is he looking for over there? What is he seeing? I keep wondering.
I picked two books from his shelf just because I liked their titles. I opened them briefly then frightened put them back. One is called Jang Jeong-il’s Reading Journal the other Reading Happily. Who are these people reading a book a day and then writing a review every time?
They must have committed some grave sin to deserve such cruel punishment. Better to stay well away from those books.
Saturday, 10th September
Unable to sleep at dawn I took out those two frightening books again. They’re hard. I don’t understand much but I at least grasped these two passages. I quote them here to boost the literary prestige of my diary.
Last year what I did with the greatest zeal was collect jazz CDs. In just over a year I bought more than 250 originals so I had less time to go to bookshops. But how happy my heart was! I was afraid of spending my life buying books I would never read. And now an even more frightening ghost has appeared. Down with books! Let’s collect a thousand records and open a jazz café!
(Reading Journal, Jang Jeong-il, 1 January 1994)
Whenever I reread my own writing I feel the distance between sentences is immense. The silence between them grows more and more frightening.
(Reading Happily, Kim Hyun, 16 June 1986)
They say these days opening a café leads to bankruptcy. How can I warn Mr Jang Jeong-il? And if silence between sentences is frightening why not use conjunctions? I’d like to tell Mr Kim Hyun—if he were still alive…
Reading other people’s diaries aloud in mine makes me feel strangely better.
Sunday, 11th September
Tomorrow is Chuseok. I went to Grandpa’s to run errands which kept me busy all day. Mum was also very busy with Grandma preparing the holiday food. Now Mum is lying down saying she’s exhausted. I offered to massage her shoulders but she refused. Mum has stamina of steel. She never complains. Between work and home it must be hard for her too.
Monday, 12th September (Chuseok)
Why isn’t there gift money at Chuseok? I wish there were a tradition of ritual greetings too. Because of our family’s tight budget my love life is in a critical phase.
Grandpa tells me to wear the sweater he bought in Jeju now that mornings and evenings are cooler. But it’s still a bit warm…
According to Grandma, Grandpa has discovered a hidden talent at dance class. He’s extremely popular among the grandmas. Late-blooming passion for dance can be dangerous they say… I’m worried.
And now Grandpa has even bought a pair of white shoes!
Tuesday, 13th September
I don’t know why this Chuseok feels so flat. It’s probably because of midterms. Or maybe because Dad isn’t here.
After sitting at my desk revising all morning my backside is on fire. Leaning against my bed I looked at the postcards I bought at the Musée d’Orsay. My favourite is Van Gogh’s The Siesta. Every time I look at it I relax. Hee-jeong loved it too. We stood in front of it for a very long time at Orsay.
‘Are you very tired?’ I asked the man in the painting.
‘Shh.’ He lifts his hat and puts a finger to his lips. ‘My wife is sleeping.’
‘Sorry to disturb your rest.’
‘Yes today the sun is perfect for a nap.’ he murmurs leaning against the haystack. ‘But have you chosen a gift for Hee-jeong?’
‘Not yet.’
‘There aren’t many days left. What will you do?’
‘That’s the problem. I don’t have much money and I don’t even know what she really likes.’
‘But you went with her to the Musée d’Orsay. Think carefully about what she likes.’
‘Hm… She likes books, music and paintings. She’s a good student but I don’t think she truly likes studying.’
‘And what else?’ he whispers.
‘What else?’
‘She loves you.’
‘Yes I think so.’ I say smiling foolishly.
‘Don’t try to give her something expensive. Show her your heart.’
‘How?’
‘That’s for you to think about.’ He glances at his sleeping wife. ‘Women like jewellery of course but they like a man’s heart even more. If a woman is happier with jewellery than with your heart it’s better to leave her.’
‘When I heard you reading the other day your voice was nice.’ says the woman yawning—she must have woken up.
‘I’m sorry I disturbed you.’
‘You did disturb me. But it’s all right. Time to get up. Read her a book. Give her a book you love and read it to her.’
‘What book?’
‘That’s for you to think about.’ She taps her head.
‘Sherlock Holmes maybe?’
‘Better Aesop’s Fables! Aesop!’ the man laughs shaking his head.
A gust of wind rises. His hat flies into the sky. The man and woman run after the dancing hat. I start laughing.
‘Answer the phone—it’s Hee-jeong.’ Mum says shaking me.
Hee-jeong suggests that on 24 September after lessons at Aunt Jeong-su’s we have lunch together and go to the cinema.
Of course. It will be your birthday.
Wednesday, 14th September
Grandma is determined to quit dance class. She had a fierce row with Grandpa over those blasted white shoes. Yesterday he wore them to dance class and the grandmas wouldn’t leave him alone. Since Grandpa seemed to enjoy it a little Grandma’s mood flipped completely. She says now even when she goes to class she doesn’t get a chance to dance with him. Grandpa spends over thirty minutes getting ready before going. I don’t see the problem. Even when you’re old it’s good to stay smart. And white shoes are far more elegant than dull black ones.
When I said ‘It’s not Grandpa’s fault he’s stylish handsome and a good dancer. And it was Grandma who first suggested dance class.’
Mum replied ‘You’re still too young to understand.’
Too young? Really? I understand plenty of things too. Being old doesn’t mean you know everything. I don’t get why adults always judge by age.
Grandma is staying at our place now. Exams are next week. If my grades drop I’d like to say it’s entirely Grandpa and Grandma’s fault!
Thursday, 15th September
Grandpa has capitulated. He’s decided to throw away those cursed white shoes. Honestly that was predictable. Without Grandma Grandpa would starve or drown in filth within days. He rarely eats anything but what Grandma makes. I’ve never seen him eat out. Dad says even when he was working he always carried his own lunch. And Grandpa changes his underwear two or three times a day. I know this directly from Grandma so it’s reliable. If Grandma doesn’t go home Grandpa’s hygiene will go to red alert and he might die miserably. So it’s not just white shoes—even glass slippers he’d throw them away.
It seems my fussiness is hereditary. I’m certain of it having read The Double Helix by James Watson.
Friday, 16th September
Grandpa and Grandma have signed up for the table tennis club. Table tennis carries love…
Poor grandmas from dance class.
Saturday, 17th September
Out of the maths problems Aunt Jeong-su gave us I missed only one. Aunt and Hee-jeong were surprised. So was I.
Aunt said ‘Our Byeok takes after me—he’s got a gift for maths.’
That remark is genetically very sound. I state it with confidence having read The Double Helix by James Watson.
‘Good thing he doesn’t take after his mum or he’d be hopeless at maths.’ my uncle added.
‘What? Mum was bad at maths?’
‘Yes your mum was one of those who gave up maths.’ Aunt said laughing.
Genetics really is a very opaque science.
Sunday, 18th September
A soft autumn rain falls.
When it stops the air will turn cooler.
I will wear the sweater Grandpa and Grandma bought.
Dead leaves will litter the streets.
And one corner of my heart will feel empty.
As the burning summer fades away
only the cold dreary autumn rain
soaks the road the air and my heart.
Monday, 19th September
Bloody autumn rain!
Stop it for a bit!
Tuesday, 20th September
By focusing so much on maths and science I’ve neglected Korean and social studies. Since I handle advanced Korean pretty well I should manage. As for social studies my class attitude was good so I’ll probably scrape through.
Even telling myself that I’m still a bit worried.
Wednesday, 21st September
The morning temperature suddenly dropped to 12 degrees! I feel like my grades will drop just as sharply. Catastrophe.
- First day of exams -
- Korean. I don’t understand why my grades don’t rise when I speak Korean so fluently.
- Social studies. Out of respect for Mr Kim Su-yeong I think I did better than the class average.
Thursday, 22nd September
- Second day of exams -
- English. I’ve finally proved that English lessons with Uncle Jamie have absolutely nothing to do with school exams.
- Science. Not a satisfying mark but it’s gone up a little.
Friday, 23rd September
- Third day of exam -
- Maths. What a strange catastrophe! From now on if someone asks which subject is easiest for me I’ll have to answer. maths. Later when I’m a writer and someone asks ‘You were good at Korean at school weren’t you?’ I’ll reply ‘No. I was good at the subject I hated most. maths.’ It’s a tragedy.
But exams are over. Let’s set grades aside with panache. Tomorrow is finally Hee-jeong’s birthday. Let’s do our best!
Saturday, 24th September
I’m crushed. Hee-jeong has caught a cold. She also missed maths and English class today. As soon as lessons at Aunt Jeong-su’s ended I called her. At first I couldn’t even recognise her voice. She was so hoarse she sounded rough almost masculine. Strangely I found that voice very attractive.
She says we probably won’t be able to meet today. She doesn’t want to pass the flu to me. I don’t mind at all. I wished her happy birthday on the phone.
Sunday, 25th September
As soon as I woke up I called Hee-jeong. Luckily her fever had gone down and her throat was a bit better. I swallowed breakfast in a hurry and ran to her place at the speed of light. Since it was a little cool I wore the black sweater Grandpa and Grandma had bought me. Hee-jeong opened the door saying I might catch her cold by coming but I could see she was happy. I knew it.
Her mum said my sweater was really very black. Hee-jeong ran a hand along my sleeve and said it felt very soft. Then she came back from her room with a white sweater. The one her dad had bought her as a souvenir during our trip to Paris.
We sat on the living-room sofa drinking hot cocoa her mum had made. Her dad came out of the bedroom looked at us and said we looked like two cats. I liked that image. Two cats. How warm. A black cat and a white cat. I felt good. At least until he turned on the television and started answering every question on a quiz show wrongly. Hee-jeong’s mum told us to go and play in her room. Perhaps she wanted to prevent paternal authority from being completely ruined by a total absence of correct answers. I’m used to it so it didn’t bother me.
In her room I gave her the book I’d brought for her birthday. Mr Sommer’s Story by Patrick Süskind. A beautiful tale with fresh watercolour illustrations. Leaning against the wall I began to read softly from the first page.
‘In my old tree-climbing days – a long time ago now, many many years have passed since then, I was just over three foot four, my shoe size was a child's ten, and I was so light I could fly – no, that's no exaggeration, I really could fly – or nearly, or let's say it was within my power to fly, if only I'd put my mind to it and tried as hard as I could. I can clearly remember the time I all but flew…’
As I read quietly Hee-jeong closes her eyes. I keep my eyes on the book but I can feel it. She draws up her knees and rests her head on my shoulder. I go on reading. Hee-jeong smiles. I still don't look but I feel her smile.
When I read the part where Mr Sommer walks through hail Hee-jeong notices white fibres from her sweater clinging to my black one. She removes them one by one. When they’re gone I resume reading.
She leans in again. The white fibres return to my black sweater. Hee-jeong laughs and removes them again. Because of us Mr Sommer stays under the hail.
When she’s finished I read calmly. Hee-jeong gently slips her arm under mine. The white fibres cling to my black left sleeve. I laugh. She laughs too.
And I keep reading very softly.
Monday, 26th September
I’ve caught the flu. Impossible to write a single line.
Hee-jeong, Dong-wan, Jong-gu and Hye-seon wanted to come and see me but I stopped them. I don’t want to become a missionary of death.
I’ve got chills and my throat is on fire. I really feel like I’m dying.
Tuesday, 27th September
Second day off school.
I don’t understand why I caught the flu.
If I die I must tell Mum to bury me in my black sweater.
Wednesday, 28th September
A letter arrived from France. Mum says it’s from the Hôtel-Dieu Hospital in Paris. It’s the bill for my emergency treatment. Of course they weren’t going to treat me for free! Just an injection and three stitches and they’re asking for €83.46. They take me for a mug.
But why did a letter sent on 11 August only arrive now? Mum looked at the envelope and said our address was strange. On closer look the country was written as ‘Dem. People’s Rep. of Korea’. Mum burst out laughing and asked if I’d pretended to be North Korean in Paris. Ouch! The National Intelligence Service might arrest me for subversive activity.
If I do get hauled off by the secret service I’ll pin it all on Hee-jeong’s dad.
Thursday, 29th September
In the end the Hôtel-Dieu medical bill will be covered by travel insurance. Still it’s outrageous. Changing my country to North Korea as they please! Hee-jeong’s dad says he clearly wrote ‘REPUBLIC OF KOREA’ at the hospital. And he swears he’s never seen the term ‘Dem. People’s Rep. of Korea’ in his life. I really want to sue Hôtel-Dieu.
In the midterms Dong-wan’s grades dropped a lot. Jong-gu came first, Hee-jeong second. My grades also went up but I still have a long way to go. To reach Hee-jeong’s level I’ll have to work even harder. For her can’t I make that effort?
Dong-wan says he doesn’t care about the class-rep election anymore but to my eyes that’s not true. There’s still something bitter left in him. That’s normal. I don’t have a clear conscience either. Lately caught up in my relationship with Hee-jeong I’ve neglected Dong-wan too much. Sorry my friend.
If there’s one piece of good news it’s that Dong-wan is seeing Min-a. She’s quiet and reserved and they say she was the one who gave him a vote at the election. It’s not official. Probably just a trial phase. Good luck!
Dad finally comes back the day after tomorrow.
Friday, 30th September
That Dong-wan bloke is actually a huge pumpkin-seed muncher. I was wondering why his grades had dropped so much. He spent all his time tutoring Min-a in maths, English and science at the expense of his own work. No wonder he never once suggested studying together during exams.
And apparently he wasn’t seeing Min-a after the class election but before it. So since before the summer holidays. That’s really not on. Pumpkin seeds fine. But a specimen like this is unheard of. Ever since he got a girlfriend he’s neglected me this much! What an affront!
Unless he went horse-riding in Mongolia with Min-a over the summer?
A parliamentary inquiry will be needed.