February - Open Up Life!

Wednesday, 1st February

I asked Dad when I’d finally be allowed to read the novel he’s working on. He pressed each word dead serious. ‘What I’m writing isn’t a short story. It’s a novel.’ So I might not get to read it until after summer?

I went to Grandad’s to run an errand for Dad. The stall of the bungeo-ppang Hyung still isn’t there. Did he quit because it stopped paying? Or did he find another job? Every time I visit Grandad my small pleasure—eating a bungeo-ppang —has disappeared. I hope he’s doing all right.

At Grandad’s Gran loaded my arms with a huge box packed with marinated crab. Apparently Dad told her he’d been craving it. I brought it home but I’m a bit worried. I have a feeling a war is about to break out.

Thursday, 2nd February

As expected Mum gave Dad a proper dressing-down. You don’t ask your mother-in-law, who isn’t well, to cook for you. If Dad wanted marinated crab that badly he could have made it himself or bought it. Why beg his mum? Dad defended himself by saying that if you buy it ‘it never tastes like that.’ Mum didn’t add another word but even I think Dad is clearly in the wrong.

A few years ago after Grandma’s knee operation Mum and Dad decided we would stop taking kimchi and side dishes from her. Because Mum and Dad both work Grandma often cooks for them and Mum says it weighs on her. Back then Dad even thanked Mum and agreed. And now Dad’s the first one to break the promise.

What’s more point number 5 of Dad’s sabbatical plan says. ‘Never ask Mum to prepare food.’ Mum asked Dad, on his way down to his workshop, whether from now on I’d be doing all the housework and whether he in that case would go back to working at a company. Dad said nothing. I have the feeling this cold war will last a while. Honestly why does Dad always go and poke Mum’s pride?

Anyway… whatever happens Grandma’s crab is a masterpiece. I had two bowls of rice. If the atmosphere between Mum and Dad had been good I could have managed three.

Friday, 3rd February

Dad still can’t get over the marinated crab shock. In the workshop he isn’t writing. He’s only watching a horror film where Jack Nicholson walks around with an axe. I wish he’d apologise to Mum quickly. Or at least go for a little trip to Ganghwado one more time.

Dong-wan told me some good news. The thug who hit Mr Sisina turned out to be a repeat applicant and he failed again this year. Now he’s forced to try a third time. When Dong-wan’s father heard from the lawyer he apparently shouted ‘Justice has triumphed!’

That really is excellent news. Go on you little thug. Serves you right. One more year and your house will look like a cemetery!

Saturday, 4th February

After maths and English at Aunt Jeong-su’s I came home and found Mum and Dad cooking together in the kitchen. This morning we were still in a cold war. What happened? The place is overflowing with honey.

Please. Let Dad not smash any crockery today.

Sunday, 5th February

Hee-jeong and I went to the National Museum of Korea following her older brother. Seok-hee says that since being accepted into fine arts he goes to museums and galleries almost every day. Today Hee-jeong asked him especially to take us along.

I saw The Uigwe of Oegyujanggak with my own eyes. Something I’d only ever seen on television. It was a truly magnificent book. More beautiful more noble classier than the old books I’d seen at the Louvre. Seok-hee said those books were made for the king. Even the paper was the highest quality. And the binding, silk and metal, gave it an unbelievable elegance. As he said it might be the most beautiful book in the world.

In the Joseon painting gallery Seok-hee explained in detail how portraits were made. Because of Confucianism people were painted as they were. If someone had a squint they were painted with a squint. And if you erased even a smallpox scar the portrait was considered deceitful and vulgar. To the point where people might even doubt the subject’s character.

But while Joseon did that the West erased anything ugly. Schubert for example was short and rather unattractive but in portraits he’s painted like a handsome chap. Seok-hee said that in today’s language they’d photoshopped him to death.

I hadn’t noticed last time but today I saw that most objects were protected by glass. So in photos there were so many reflections you couldn’t capture much. At the Louvre and the Musée d’Orsay though there were quite a few works not protected by glass.

While Hee-jeong was in the ladies' room Seok-hee casually dropped that first love never works out. He said he’d had a first love too and it didn’t end well. Grr… I didn’t think a trap would spring here! In my head I answered him. It’s not that you don’t know but Hee-jeong isn’t my first love. In nursery there was Chae-yeon, in primary school there was Su-min. And I’m not even counting unrequited loves! But I wasn’t going to say that out loud was I?

Taking me for a boy who thinks Hee-jeong is his first love. If someone heard that they’d think I’d lived in a vacuum until now. Does he take me for an idiot? Today my pride took a serious hit.

Monday, 6th February

Hee-jeong’s father invited our family to dinner at their place this Saturday evening. Aunt Jeong-su and my uncle are invited too and Dong-wan’s family as well. It’s to celebrate Seok-hee getting into fine arts.

I’m going to have to slow-cook Seok-hee. What should I give him? I’ll have to ask Hee-jeong.

Tuesday, 7th February

Hee-jeong’s brother is going to driving school to get his licence. Sorry but a car is too much for me. Couldn’t there be something else nice?

Dad doesn’t budge from the workshop anymore. Mum finally told him to go for a walk for at least an hour a day. But Dad… what novel is he writing? I wish he’d tell me even the title.

In his workshop you don’t even hear music anymore. And I’m banned from entering for a while too.

Wednesday, 8th February

Hee-jeong and I went to see the drawing academy Seok-hee recommended. He said he drew there for three years. Hee-jeong showed her sketchbook to the teacher and he praised her. ‘You have talent.’ As if anyone didn’t know.

Hee-jeong decided to start going from these spring holidays. Even if she doesn’t go to an art school or fine arts she wants to draw there little by little. Wow. Lucky her. So while she draws I should write in Dad’s workshop. I can’t spend my whole life solving maths problems can I? As a first topic world peace… that’s a bit heavy. So something light? Clouds would be light. But what can you possibly write about clouds? Rabbit-cloud, sheep-cloud, candyfloss-cloud… no that won’t do. What am I going to write?

Ah! I’ll die of old age trying to find a topic!

Thursday, 9th February

Here is my first text. I put my thoughts in order about something that taught me a big lesson.

- My friends Mr Sisina and Dong-wan -

Are adults smarter than children? Adults say. ‘You’ll understand when you’re older.’ Is that true? Then is an experienced person necessarily wiser than someone without experience? People say that as you age you become wise and reasonable. But that isn’t always true. If age and wisdom were proportional the world we live in should be just and happy. And yet around me there are many happy people but even more who aren’t.

When I look at Mr Sisina who came from Sri Lanka I feel he’s treated unfairly in Korea. All because his skin is darker than ours. He is handsome, educated and he has a lot of humour. But people don’t look at that. When he gets on the underground they avoid him. They discriminate against him simply because of his skin colour without knowing anything about him or his country Sri Lanka.

In my class Dong-wan is good at school and sport. He has always been popular but it isn’t the same now. Why? Because he ran in the class-rep election. Dong-wan’s mother is of Mongolian origin. So in the past students mocked Dong-wan by calling him Mongolian Soy Sauce. In the corner of their hearts they think Dong-wan is like Mr Sisina a notch below. Being friends with him isn’t a big problem but accepting him as class rep—that they won’t do. When you see that adults or children it’s the same. In my opinion age isn’t the point. When it comes to discriminating against another human being nothing changes.

Grandad said that once human malice takes root it covers the whole Earth in an instant. That frightens me even more. Because it won’t change.

They say experience makes you wise but I think experience in itself isn’t much. Because if you grow old you inevitably gain a lot of experience and yet age doesn’t guarantee wisdom. So what makes someone wise?

My day is a string of varied experiences. I’m still a student and I’m young. In my life there are more new things than repetitions. Among all these experiences two remain deeply engraved in me. The first is the forbidden book incident Hey, Wait… The second is the memory of that Arab man who accompanied me to A&E in Paris with extraordinary kindness. Among all my experiences those are printed at the very back of my mind. Maybe what matters more than experience is the way you receive it.

Writing this gave me a headache all afternoon. I think I’ll cool my brain down with some maths problems.

Friday, 10th February

Spring holidays have begun. Please from next year onwards abolish this absurd rule. Having to go back to school between winter holidays and spring holidays. When you play you should play properly. Being hauled out in the middle ruins everything. It’s like coming back to sit at the table after going to the toilet halfway through a meal. Couldn’t the President sort this out personally?

After the holiday-opening ceremony I went to play at Hee-jeong’s for the first time in ages. Her brother wasn’t there. He was probably at a museum. I showed her my text. Hee-jeong read it and told me it was noble bold and stylish.

She asked ‘But what is Hey, Wait…?’

I said ‘That? It’s a comic. In our house it’s a forbidden book.’

‘A forbidden book… what’s that?’

‘Books Dad told me not to read until Year 11. He says it’s not the time yet.’

Hee-jeong asked eyes full of curiosity.

‘So?’

I shook my head.

‘I read that weird book in secret… and it was like a shock. It was really strange. It was sad and it left a feeling of emptiness.’

Hee-jeong leaned in.

‘Show it to me too.’

‘Impossible. I don’t have the key to the bookshelf.’

‘Even without the key you know how to open it don’t you?’

‘…’

I said nothing. My heart was pounding like mad.

Hee-jeong sprang up from the sofa.

‘Byeok come on! Let’s go to yours!’

Ah! My God… why are you giving me a punishment like this?

When I got home I learned my uncle had borrowed all of Dad’s comics. Of course Hey, Wait… was in there. It seems my uncle’s return was the will of God.

Why does a text written with good intentions produce such a ridiculous result?

Saturday, 11th February

Mr Jamie is finally leaving next Friday for Boston for a three-night four-day trip. I told him once again clearly. ‘Bon voyage!’ He said he would draw a lot during the trip. I hope he has a good time.

After lessons at Aunt Jeong-su’s Hee-jeong and I went to Kyobo Book Centre. We had to buy a present for Seok-hee. Hee-jeong asked him and apparently he said ‘If Byeok absolutely insists on giving me a gift he can give me The Woman in the Dunes by Abe Kobo.’ I’m not exactly dying to give a gift. He must have misunderstood something.

At the till the cashier asked why young people were buying a book like that. Hee-jeong said it was a present for her older brother who was about to enter fine arts. The cashier said ‘This isn’t a book for you.’ and handed it over. On the bus home Hee-jeong read the whole way.

Why do well-intentioned words sometimes end up hurting people?

Sunday, 12th February

Seok-hee’s admission party finally ended at one in the morning. But the hero of the day Seok-hee just ate then said he was going to read The Woman in the Dunes and shut himself in his room without coming out. The gift seems to have worked.

Mum and Dad slept in today. Fair enough. Yesterday they drank and enjoyed themselves late into the night. I got up early and went to Grandad’s. My uncle had spread Dad’s comics everywhere. In secret I searched for Hey, Wait… but couldn’t find it. Because my uncle was sitting on it. I pushed my uncle aside and gently pulled the book out. Ow. The cover tore a little.

I took the book and went to Hee-jeong’s. But she said she’d already read Hey, Wait… Yesterday while I was looking for The Woman in the Dunes in the bookshop she bought Hey, Wait… first and slipped it into her bag.

So this is Adam’s heart after being defeated by Eve!

Monday, 13th February

I went to Grandad’s early. I was going to quietly put Hey, Wait… back in my uncle’s room… but he caught me.

He asked ‘Byeok was it you who took it? I looked for it for ages.’

‘Ah yes… sorry.’ My heart was thumping.

‘Honestly I didn’t find it very interesting.’

I stared at him stunned ‘Sorry?’

He muttered ‘Life’s like that eh.’

Today I understood there are two types of human beings in the world.

The Dad type and the Uncle type!

Tuesday, 14th February

Hee-jeong is more the Uncle type. Even after reading Hey, Wait… she has no inner agitation at all. Is it because she’s the type to go on hunger strike all the way to the end? Or because she’s the type to declare a hunger strike then secretly eat Choco Pies behind your back? Either way she’s a bit different from me.

Wednesday, 15th February

Dad told Mum he needed the waist of his trousers let out and got blown up. For the last few days he’s been able to put the trousers on but not eat while wearing them. The moment he eats he can’t breathe.

Mum hates that Dad under the excuse of work breaks all the rules of living. These days Dad hardly exercises he stays shut in the workshop. And at night he eats late-night snacks, every single night without exception. Mum warned him several times but Dad just answers ‘All right all right’ and changes nothing. And now he wants to let out his trousers.

One of Dad’s New Year Resolution has already collapsed without mercy. ‘If you eat like an animal you’ll end up a pig.’

Thursday, 16th February

Jong-gu’s parents have decided to divorce. This morning Dong-wan called me early overexcited to tell me. Since Jong-gu will live with his mother he’ll finally be able to live with his older brother. In exchange he’ll have to change schools to the neighbourhood where his mother is moving. But when I heard Jong-gu was happy I felt relieved. And yet somewhere inside I felt a small emptiness.

Friday, 17th February

In the end today Dad had the waist of three pairs of trousers let out by two inches. Mum gave up. She couldn’t stand watching him unbutton them at every meal. The alteration costs will be deducted from Dad’s pocket money. Dad doesn’t care at all. He says he can finally breathe properly and he’s happy.

Since getting his trousers back Dad no longer sucks in his stomach. But if he ends up with a belly sticking out like a tadpole that won’t do…

Saturday, 18th February

After lessons at Aunt Jeong-su’s Hee-jeong and I went to the drawing academy. Hee-jeong was drawing Jon and Bjorn in her sketchbook. I had a bad feeling. On the way out Hee-jeong said her head hurt from thinking about Jon and Bjorn then she leaned against me and started to cry. I held her tightly in my arms. And I said the words Dad once said to me. ‘Hee-jeong for now we have to look only at beautiful things. Pretty things. Bright things. Anyway when we grow up we’ll end up understanding everything. Let’s not rush. Let’s forget Jon and Bjorn. Sorry.’ Hee-jeong buried her face in my shoulder cried and nodded.

Hee-jeong and I put Jason’s Hey, Wait… into a big plastic bag then buried it in the flowerbed in front of our house. Baduk, thinking we were burying a bone, wagged his tail and tried to dig it up with his paws.

So I couldn’t help saying to him. ‘Baduk for now we have to look only at beautiful things. Pretty things. Bright things. You too when you’re grown up you’ll understand but don’t rush. Jon and Bjorn are still too much for you!’

Hee-jeong burst out laughing. So did I. Laughter came back to us.

Sunday, 19th February

Seok-hee took us to the Seoul Museum of History with Hee-jeong. The building is big and nice but there were far too few objects on display. I was disappointed. Seok-hee said that during the Japanese occupation everything was looted and almost nothing remains in Korea. We have to recover those things but it isn’t simple. Hee-jeong’s family—perhaps because of her mother’s influence—doesn’t seem to have a very good opinion of Japan. But… if you think about it he’s not wrong.

After the museum Seok-hee took us to a very chic café. I suppose because he studies art he always chooses places with a good atmosphere. But the coffee was truly awful. Anyway. Seok-hee said that now he’s entering fine arts he’s finally going to let loose. For three years he only did school and the academy. Now it’s liberation. He says he’ll travel around Korea and one day he’ll go to Europe alone with a backpack. Of course he’ll also go to China and Japan. And he even plans America.

I promised to give him brochures from Mum’s travel agency. Mum is going to get rich.

Monday, 20th February

While Hee-jeong was at the academy I wrote a very short text.

- Hey, Wait… -

I was on the bus going home. Suddenly raindrops began to fall on the window. People rushed to take cover. The rain became so violent that even cars pulled over. The bus driver stopped too and waited for the rain to pass. A rainstorm that arrived without warning had just declared martial law on the street.

A man on a motorbike took refuge in a phone box. The box was covered in white frost. His helmet was swallowed by the frost and the man disappeared. That day under rain that fell like an invasion the city was conquered without mercy. When the frost invaded the inside of the bus we too were swallowed by the fog.

I showed it to Hee-jeong when she came out of the academy. She said it was a strange text with an unfamiliar sensation. And I liked hearing that. In truth everything Hee-jeong says pleases me.

Tuesday, 21st February

My Samchon moved. He left Grandad’s house and moved into a tiny bedsit. My Samchon hates being held by anyone. I wonder how he even goes to work.

His belongings really were just one bag. You can barely call it a move. He’ll live there for a while then return to his own flat. When he went to Beijing as an expat he rented his place out and the contract doesn’t end until the end of the year. My Samchon said that even if it’s small living in your own place is best. Obviously. I too when I’m an adult want to live alone with Hee-jeong in our own home.

Wednesday, 22nd February

Morning, Volunteering at the nursery. Afternoon, maths homework from Aunt Jeong-su until evening. When Dad saw the exercises he jumped. That’s normal. Dad barely knows addition and subtraction. If a maths genius like me was born from a parent who’s absolutely hopeless at maths it’s only thanks to Aunt Jeong-su’s heroic efforts.

At night I took The Catcher in the Rye from Dad’s bookcase and started it. The hero is a weird bloke who lies the moment he opens his mouth. Why does Dad have three copies of this book?

Thursday, 23rd February

I stopped by Hee-jeong’s to give Seok-hee brochures from Mum’s travel agency. He took them and began reading from the first page with terrifying seriousness. Seok-hee is meticulous whatever he does. I was telling Hee-jeong I didn’t understand why we had three copies of The Catcher in the Rye at home when Seok-hee said something frightening.

‘You know John Lennon? The Beatles singer.’

I said ‘Yes I know.’

He continued ‘The one who assassinated him was Mark Chapman. And after killing John Lennon that guy apparently said everyone should read The Catcher in the Rye.’

‘Seriously?’

‘It’s a bit of a twisted book. But why do you have three at your place?’

Ow… I need to find out whether something happened to Dad.

Friday, 24th February

After work my Samchon stopped by our house. He said he came to pick up the books he’d left here and he started selecting his books from Dad’s bookshelf. At a glance there were at least two hundred. He took the three copies of The Catcher in the Rye as well. I even brought him the books that were in my room. My Samchon packed the three copies into a box with particular care.

I asked him why he had three. He didn’t answer. He just smiled pfft and patted my head once.

What story is hiding behind all this?

Saturday, 25th February

Over breakfast I asked Mum why my Samchon had three copies of The Catcher in the Rye. Mum looked at me for a moment then glanced at Dad.

Dad told me.

‘It’s a keepsake from your aunt. She liked that book.’

‘…’

I said nothing more. I ate in silence then went to study at Aunt Jeong-su’s.

Throughout the whole lesson the image of my Samchon, with that small crooked smile, wouldn’t leave my head. I’m too young and it’s too long ago so I have no memory of that aunt. I’ve only heard that my Samchon loved her with a terrible love. In our family we never speak of girlfriends or marrying again in front of my Samchon. I’ve been trained on that to the point my ears are worn out.

Yesterday I asked him a needless question. Sorry Samchon.

Sunday, 26th February

Last night I didn’t sleep a second. I thought about death. Why does everything have a beginning and an end? They say the beginning is the end and the end is another beginning. But what does that even mean?

The four cats Mr Sisina adopted might have died in that cold drain if Baduk hadn’t saved them. And by what luck did they survive, so they could now live at Mr Sisina’s factory cherished like treasures?

In our life what is a big event? What is a small thing? Is the big event coming first in the class and the small thing getting a hundred out of a hundred in a maths test? Or is the big event becoming rich or someone honourable and the small thing forgetting to buy milk at the supermarket? What’s the difference between big and small? And what if deep down there were no difference at all?

Sometimes the repeating days like a kind of madness disgust me. Is that weariness death? Or is that life? And if that is life…then getting older losing strength your body hurting more and more, does that mean death?

If Mum or Dad knew I was thinking about this what would they say? Does Hee-jeong ever think about this too? Have Dong-wan or Jong-gu ever once thought about life and death?

If there is a heaven I hope my aunt is happy there.

Monday, 27th February

Dad finished his novel. Wow! It’s incredible. Dad told me he started writing because he liked it and that while writing he’d been happy. To celebrate he says he’s going out for a drink with his friends. He’s already getting ready to leave early in the evening. What novel is it?

Tuesday, 28th February

This year February has only twenty-eight days. If February always had thirty-one days without bothering about leap years, spring holidays would last three days longer.

Hee-jeong and I went cycling along the Han River. With cool wind on our faces we sped all the way to under Dongjak Bridge. We parked the bikes and walked. Hee-jeong thanked me. My mouth slid all by itself up to my ears. I thanked her too. Hee-jeong smiled. I smiled too.

Laughing together we walked and walked until our bikes became as small as a fingernail.

- The End -